It was a week or so ago that I wrote about the experience of feeling "diminished" by all the "editing" we are doing in our lives, and our life together. All because we are moving into an apartment which has about half the size of our house, and has little storage space.
A lot of things are going to Village Green (our Mennonite-operated thrift or "goodwill" shop). A lot of paper is being recycled. All of this is good.
It also means I'm engaged in a process of sorting out what is important.
What do I really want to do in this last stage of my life (my "psychosocial development"), where the virtue is wisdom, and the options are integrity (i.e., wholeness) or despair? (This, according to psychologist Erik Erikson.)
In addition to my personal introspection, I'll continue to work (in one way or another) on ethical projects. Those include health care and animal welfare. But they will also include a closer involvement in issues of poverty, hunger, and homelessness. I may not be able to walk as much at rallies, but my fingers move quickly, and my thoughts can be sharp. (Such things happen when you combine a journalist and an ethicist.)
I'm not changing my commitment to life, and to others around me. To change would mean betraying who and what I have been, and am. What is changing is the manner in which I live out my commitment. But I'm not changing that commitment.
Showing posts with label retirement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label retirement. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
DIMINISHED
I've been feeling particularly sad for some time now. And it's not just my depression, as far as I can tell.
There is something else.
What I'm feeling is diminished. That there is less of me.
One of the realities of moving from a large house to a medium-sized apartment is the need to get rid of things. Particularly things for which we do not expect we will have any space.
It's not so much that I'm tied to my possessions. I'm not.
What I'm missing is file upon file of my work which has to be trashed. Things into which I have put my heart and thought. Which, I think, is appropriate for a writer, and a minister. News articles. Newspaper columns. Special reports on radio. Sermons and other meditations. Bible study material. Unused research notes, waiting for a chance to see the light of day.
All gone.
I'm not just throwing out papers. I'm throwing out part of myself.
And, of course, Sadie's gone now, too, after I spent a lot of time training her, and befriending her.
That's why I feel diminished. So much of me is gone.
There is something else.
What I'm feeling is diminished. That there is less of me.
One of the realities of moving from a large house to a medium-sized apartment is the need to get rid of things. Particularly things for which we do not expect we will have any space.
It's not so much that I'm tied to my possessions. I'm not.
What I'm missing is file upon file of my work which has to be trashed. Things into which I have put my heart and thought. Which, I think, is appropriate for a writer, and a minister. News articles. Newspaper columns. Special reports on radio. Sermons and other meditations. Bible study material. Unused research notes, waiting for a chance to see the light of day.
All gone.
I'm not just throwing out papers. I'm throwing out part of myself.
And, of course, Sadie's gone now, too, after I spent a lot of time training her, and befriending her.
That's why I feel diminished. So much of me is gone.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
PHOTO OF THE DAY/Photo du Jour
Behold! My new toy. (A birthday present.)
Well, more of a tool than a toy, perhaps. This is a digital Canon EOS Rebel T1i (for those who like technical data.) It replaces some very old Minolta film cameras. It is also an upgrade from my Beloved's Canon EOS Rebel G (newer, but still old) film camera.
The price of the new unit was a bit stiff: over $800 Canadian (€600). But J and I have been saving money for a while to help with the transition into "retirement." (Most of you realize that Bear is not a "retiring" creature; the word "retirement" is a bit of an anomaly in this circumstance, except for the fact that I have turned 65.) Who knows; photography may become my fourth career (after pastor, journalist, and ethicist.) Well, perhaps not.
I'm not exactly a stranger to photography. I've had pictures published in some Canadian magazines. But I haven't done any "serious" photography for a long time, so there'll be some re-learning involved — especially with a new camera. (True, we have a pocket-sized Canon camera for "quick pics," — like these of the cameras — but I'm increasingly unhappy with the quality of those pictures.)
Why a Canon? First, I think Canon makes good cameras. (So does my brother-in law, a professional photographer.) Second, the lenses on J's camera are completely interchangeable with mine. So why buy a different kind of camera, and then buy a whole new series of lenses? Doesn't make sense.
So, to help me get back into more serious photography, I've set up this new series on my blog: "Photo of the Day/Photo du Jour." Not that I'll publish a picture every day — even though that's the goal. (I know myself well enough to understand that a daily photo just isn't going to happen, unless I get "ultra-serious" — and that would ruin all the fun.)
So please, adventure along with me; add your thoughts, too. I'd love to hear from you.
Footnote:
About the name of the series. Canada is officially a bilingual country; we use both English and French. That's because we were a French colony before we because an English colony in 1763. Still, today, about 20 per cent of our population has/have French as a first language. So to use both official languages is a bit patriotic on my part, and a bit romantique. Mais, c'est moi — et c'est ça. (But that's me — and that's it.)
Well, more of a tool than a toy, perhaps. This is a digital Canon EOS Rebel T1i (for those who like technical data.) It replaces some very old Minolta film cameras. It is also an upgrade from my Beloved's Canon EOS Rebel G (newer, but still old) film camera.
The price of the new unit was a bit stiff: over $800 Canadian (€600). But J and I have been saving money for a while to help with the transition into "retirement." (Most of you realize that Bear is not a "retiring" creature; the word "retirement" is a bit of an anomaly in this circumstance, except for the fact that I have turned 65.) Who knows; photography may become my fourth career (after pastor, journalist, and ethicist.) Well, perhaps not.
I'm not exactly a stranger to photography. I've had pictures published in some Canadian magazines. But I haven't done any "serious" photography for a long time, so there'll be some re-learning involved — especially with a new camera. (True, we have a pocket-sized Canon camera for "quick pics," — like these of the cameras — but I'm increasingly unhappy with the quality of those pictures.)
Why a Canon? First, I think Canon makes good cameras. (So does my brother-in law, a professional photographer.) Second, the lenses on J's camera are completely interchangeable with mine. So why buy a different kind of camera, and then buy a whole new series of lenses? Doesn't make sense.
So, to help me get back into more serious photography, I've set up this new series on my blog: "Photo of the Day/Photo du Jour." Not that I'll publish a picture every day — even though that's the goal. (I know myself well enough to understand that a daily photo just isn't going to happen, unless I get "ultra-serious" — and that would ruin all the fun.)
So please, adventure along with me; add your thoughts, too. I'd love to hear from you.
Footnote:
About the name of the series. Canada is officially a bilingual country; we use both English and French. That's because we were a French colony before we because an English colony in 1763. Still, today, about 20 per cent of our population has/have French as a first language. So to use both official languages is a bit patriotic on my part, and a bit romantique. Mais, c'est moi — et c'est ça. (But that's me — and that's it.)
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